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Pumpkin projectile…

So, now you’ve read a few stories about the Meatheads, but I also had another close group of friends that I hung around with growing up – they were all from a small area just outside Yarmouth called Melbourne. I was pretty much as close with them as I was with the Meatheads. The only difference being that these guys have mostly gone their separate ways since this (due to certain lifestyle choices). They’re still my boys and I love them to death, but we only hang out once in a great while. I really miss the old days, though…

This story takes place almost exactly a year after the last one, on Halloween night 2004. I decided to stay in this time, having had a streak of bad luck on Halloween, so I’m just basing this on stories that I was told afterwards – but I can guarantee the authenticity. It’s hard to believe, but it’s the God’s honest truth!

This year, instead of going to a house party, the Meatheads decided to go out pranking. Around here, you have to go outside of town to have any real fun, so they decided to mount up and go out to Pinkney’s Point (just a little ways past Melbourne). They were driving Gentry’s truck, Old Blue. It was a gigantic blue early 80’s jacked up Chev that was absolutely beat to shit. He would blow motors in it on the way home from school and have a graveyard motor swapped in and be back to school with it the next morning. The thing was not babied – it was the definition of rugged. Man, I really liked that truck…

My buddy Roland was sober driving the truck with a couple people in the cab and about 5 guys in the box; all of them drunk of course. They went all around through Wedgeport, Melbourne, the Point, etc. and stole every single pumpkin they could find. They never did tell me exactly what their overall plan was but, before long, they must have had at least 20 piled up on back of the truck.

Everything was going peachy until they stopped in front of a random house somewhere down in Pinkney’s Point. Gentry got out and ran up on the porch to grab more pumpkins… and he got busted. The home owner came out the side door and started yelling. Gentry took off with the pumpkin and raced back into the truck. The home owner, who must have really liked his pumpkin, got in his car and began to chase after them!

So, the Meatheads were now flying down through the Point in Big Blue with a pissed off pumpkin lover in hot pursuit. Someone came up with the bright idea to start getting rid of the evidence. Everyone on back just stared shovelling pumpkins over the side without even looking. Once they were all gone, Roland took the ditch and hit the beach. The guy behind eventually gave up on them and they got away with everything, like Meatheads always do, with no issues. – another successful Halloween adventure!

Kind of a lame story, right? Well wait, this isn’t the end! I got the low down on this whole ordeal once they got back into town. It’s a decent story, sure, but nothing special… that is until the next day when I went out to visit with the Melbourne crew…

We were all sitting around the basement at my friend’s place when one of the boys came in. His name is Jeremy and, at that time, he lived with his mom way down in Pinkney’s Point. His face was all fucked up and he looked like he was in a shitty mood. Knowing Jeremy, I assumed that he must have gotten into a scrap.

“Man, Jeremy buddy… what the hell happened to you??” I asked, fully expecting a good fight story. This is when he told me all about his Halloween night…

“You wouldn’t believe it, man!” he started, obviously still pretty pissed off. “I was stuck out in the Point, right? I couldn’t get a ride to town, so I just decided to stay out there and try to have some fun…”

He told me how he got dressed up in full camouflage, painted his face, grabbed his paintball gun and setup camp behind a guardrail somewhere out on the Point. He spent his night sniping unsuspecting vehicles as they drove by.

As he was telling me his story, I was picturing a car stopping after being shot at and the driver severely beating Jeremy up on the side of the road – it seemed like a logical and entertaining progression to the story… but man, I was way off!

“So, I was crouched down behind the guardrail,” he continued, “and I could see these lights coming in the distance. I ducked my head down and got ready to spring out once it was in range. I listened as it got closer and, right at the last second, I jumped up to shoot and BAM!!” I jumped. “Something hit me in the fuckin head and knocked me right over!” Everyone’s eyes went wide as Jeremy re-enacted the kill shot.

“It knocked me pretty much clean out, man! It was fucked. So, I was lying in the ditch, right? Tryin to figure out what the fuck just happened… and I reached up to touch my face and there was this goo and seeds and shit everywhere. It took me a bit to figure it out, but man… you won’t believe this… but someone fuckin hit me with a pumpkin!!”

Everyone was busting a gut laughing, but I was absolutely fucking beside myself. I couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard.

“I dunno how they fucking saw me,” Jeremy went on, “I mean, I was completely hidden! I still can’t figure out how they picked me off with a pumpkin, but man… it coulda fuckin killed me!!”

I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Once I was actually able to breathe and form sentences again, I quieted everyone down and then proceeded to blow their fucking minds!

“Yo Jeremy,” I said, laughing. “I think I can tell you exactly who hit you…”

This is when I filled everyone in on the Meatheads crazy Halloween adventure. One of the random pumpkins they had ditched while being pursued had nailed one of their friends right in the head – nearly fucking killing him. If I hadn’t been around to hear each of their stories, neither group would have ever known what happened. Luckily for me, though, I was… because, all together, it’s one of my favourite stories that I have. I mean, what are the fucking chances??? You couldn’t make this shit up if you tried.

To this day, I still can’t believe that this actually fucking happened! Fuckin Meatheads…

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